SUV Group Says Jesus Drives An SUV

In the latest volley in a bizarre argument over what Jesus would drive, a pro-SUV organization says he would, and does, drive an SUV.
Because an anti-SUV group has been asking the question, “What Would Jesus Drive?”, the SUV Owners of America (SUVOA) today unveiled a "stunning" revelation that Jesus (pronounced he SOOS) drives a 1995 SUV! And his son drives a 1999 SUV!
The announcement, appearing in a full-page advertisement in regional issues of USA Today, explains why Jesus Rivera and his family love their SUVs and why they are not alone.
“Jesus Rivera is just one real-life example of the 24 million SUV owners in this country that appreciate the safety, utility and versatility of their vehicles,” said SUVOA president Jason H. Vines. “The argument that ‘people don’t need SUVs’ usually is espoused by self-appointed, fact-challenged ‘experts’ who have no appreciation for people’s work, home, and lifestyle circumstances other than their own.”
“The ‘What Would Jesus Drive?’ campaign arrogantly assumes that the Gospel supports its debatable political goals,” said Father Robert Sirico, the owner of an SUV and president of the Acton Institute for the Study of Religion & Liberty. “The first obligation of a Christian is to answer the Gospel’s call for personal conversion,” Fr. Sirico said. “Unfortunately, the anti-SUV crowd is much more interested in promoting a ‘green’ agenda than it is in serious theological reflection.”
Formed in 1999, SUVOA is a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting the rights and serving the interests of 24 million SUV owners in the United States. “We are asking SUV owners who are upset at being demonized, vandalized and discriminated against to pull together by joining the SUVOA army,” said Vines.
According to SUVOA, the attacks on SUVs and SUV owners are coming from a handful of small but vocal groups who often distort the factual record of SUVs regarding safety, the environment and their use. Their documented tactics range from seemingly harmless, self-described satire to vicious activities that have put the lives of people, including public servants, at risk.
“No vehicle has been demonized this much since Stephen King turned a Plymouth into Christine,” said Vines. “While we believe these groups do not condone such activity, those who have generated the greatest amount of media coverage are creating an atmosphere where it is open season on SUV owners and their vehicles,” said Vines. “The statements they make and the ads they run give comfort and justification to those who voice their opinion with a gas can and a lighted match or by smearing an owner’s vehicle with animal waste.”
Anti-SUV groups also are often rich in hyperbole and light on science to back up their claims. As an example, Public Citizen — a so-called consumer group — held a press conference in June to mislead the public into thinking that SUVs are dangerous killers. Unfortunately, what the media missed was the “devilish details” in their press kit that included a listing of the “most risky” vehicles.
Of the top 10 “most risky” vehicles in the study cited, only one is a SUV and it happens to be one of the lowest-selling SUVs.
The majority — nine out of 10 of the supposedly “most risky vehicles” — are small cars and pickups, not SUVs. “The truth is the largest of the SUVs have the lowest fatality rate according to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety — end of story,” said Vines.
Today’s SUVOA ad featuring Jesus Rivera points out that he is not alone in his affection for his SUV: “Jesus Rivera drives an SUV along with 24 million other Americans who rely on their SUVs to carpool friends and family; tow boats, campers and trailers; haul home improvement supplies; and volunteer to take people to the hospital in snow emergencies.”